I’ve always known teaching was my calling. I know it sounds cliche but it has. From the age of 7, it was the only thing I ever imagined I would be. 23 years later, it’s still the only thing I can imagine I’d be. I think that might be part of the problem.
From my probation cohort of 187 probationers, 5 were given permanency. It came at no surprise that all 5 of those people had a parent who was a head teacher in that authority. Some people went to the union about this clear show of nepotism, but they were told there was nothing they could do. This was only the start of my experience with nepotism in this field.
From then on, I was given temporary contracts. I was told I was excellent at my job. I have been through council inspections, HMIE, I have been a mentor. I have taken on leadership roles and led collegiate time. Always being told how brilliant I am, how I am invaluable. Always told how much not only the staff value me, but how well liked I am by both pupils and families. However, whenever I came close to permanency through continuous service, the councils would demand head teachers break my contract and then there was nothing I could do.
Then came the job applications. Hundreds of applications, and that’s not an exaggeration. Every time getting an interview, every time being told I was “second”, or the job went to “someone already in the role” or to “someone who has a relationship with the school”. I knew what that meant. Even if I was the person already in the role, due to clear nepotism, I wasn’t getting the job I worked so hard in. Then another reason I have heard more commonly, “the council are hoping to fill your spot with a probationer next year. It’s cheaper”. That one stings in a whole different type of way.
This lack of security and permanency has had a devastating effect on my personal life. I feel like a burden and I am holding back my partner. We have been together for 6 years, we are due to get married, but I don’t want to commit to a wedding that I don’t know if I’ll be able to pay for it. I can’t get a mortgage because I don’t have a permanent contract. I can’t even think about having a family or children because I am not entitled to any maternity or benefits. I can’t plan for the future I want because I have no stability in order to get it.
This burden and this feeling of being stuck and of holding back my partner has had a detrimental impact on my mental health. I have been on antidepressants for years, take daily anti anxiety medication and I am currently in therapy. Not only this, but it has impacted my relationships also. Again, this feeling of being a burden to my partner and that my choice in career is holding back the life he wanted for himself too. There are not enough words to describe what this has done to every area of my life.
If you knew me, you would know that I’m not one to be kind to myself. However, I know I am good at my job. I have been told by everyone who I have worked with. Which is what makes this so hard. When I had a period of complete unemployment, I tried to get any other job. But that’s hard when you can’t imagine doing anything else. Even harder when the jobs you do get an interview for, question if that job is “enough” for you or tell you that you’re “overqualified” for the role and that is why you didn’t get it. So you’re stuck. With a degree that you can’t use. With a dream you can’t achieve. Stuck with the repercussions of choosing this career, that you wanted so badly. Stuck with trying to work out when enough is enough and when do you just find the first stable job going, no matter the pay cut.
With attainment being the way it is, with the needs of children evolving every day, I think it is not only important for teachers to be granted permanency for our own lives and mental health, but for the stability of the schools and pupils as well.
Shared anonymously with the contributor’s consent and reviewed by the campaign. Light edits may have been made for readability and to remove identifying details.
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